The past few days have been rough. This week has been pretty stressful academically and fraternally. I’ve been feeling very Middle School, this week (I was literally crying when the words, “Why don’t they like me?” came out of my mouth). But I’ve been taking a few days for myself and getting back in a better place mentally.
Doing that partially included a form of Self-Care that I never considered Self-Care before.
A good friend of mine is graduating this semester. He’s a music performance major–specifically, he plays the Viola. He invited me to his Senior Recital; it was the first date on the Reminders Section of my February Cover Page.
Frankly, I hadn’t wanted to go. Okay, I did want to go. Until I actually had to. I hadn’t been sleeping well, I had Make-Up Work out the Wazoo, and I had about four things I wanted to do that weren’t school work After his Senior Recital. I took a twenty minute nap, and then put on my Big Girl Pants.
Except, nowadays, my Big Girl Pants look different on me now. Not sure if it’s the Girl or the Pants that has changed, but something is new. Instead of Putting on my Big Girl Pants and Getting Over It, I put on Big Girl Prioritizing Pants.
The Other Commitments could wait. The Wazoo Make-Up Work could be done in enough time to sleep early if I Prioritized them. And the Senior Recital was Priority Number One. It’s his last recital. He’s a good friend of mine. It’s rare that I get to see him, and I pretty much never get to hear him play.
I made a Decision. Man, did I make a Good One.
The theater was small, and we sat in the back as the other handful of supporters sat Up Front and Center. A pianist would accompany him; a stand with his music stood under the spotlight.
I could see his nerves as he walked out: a hint of a smile, antsy legs. Through the first half of the first song I could see his grimaces, uncertainty. And then the climax of the song happened, and I saw him in twenty years. I want to tell–I hope to one day tell him–that he will stand on a Bigger Stage in front of a Larger Crowd, that he will still be Nervous, but he will be even more Awe-Inspiring. I hope to one day tell him of the stage presence, charisma, talent, and passion I saw in his performance. I hope to one day see him on that Bigger Stage and admire his Presence once more.
When I got home, I checked the “Self-Care” box of my Habit Tracker. I hadn’t done a Face Mask, or a Bath Bomb, but instead I had cared for myself in a much more interesting way; I cared for myself by Supporting Someone I Care for, and by actively trying to understand his passion. I put on my Big Girl Prioritizing Pants, and I Heard the Viola.
And My, but it was Beautiful.
In case you’re interested, the first song he played was “Zwischen Berg und tiefem Tal,” the first movement in Paul Hindemith’s Der Schwanendreher.