Posted in bullet journal, faith

Journaling and Jesus

Hi friends!

So I somewhat recently started opening my heart to Jesus, right? [I feel like I should say this now: I’m having a Bad Brain Night. Sleep is not in my future.] Well originally, I thought I would read through the entire Bible and That would be That.

Nope. Not happening. I tried, briefly, and failed, spectacularly. So I’ve been working my way through devotionals and plans on Bible App to sort of work my way through Getting to Know Jesus and What He Means to Me and all that Good Stuff.

I’ve also started Bullet Journaling. My March spreads are up and ready (and I am SO READY for February to over (also PLEASE comment if you’d like to see my March spread! I’m really proud of it)), and occasional blank pages between spreads are slowly being filled with two things: grocery lists and Devotional Spreads.

They look like This:

I wanted to show them off because Christian Bullet Journaling is A) a Niche inside a Niche and B) Pretty Hard to Find Inspiration for! I chose to do spreads for ones which are only five days, but if you wanted to make them longer I’m sure there are different ways this could be adapted!

A fresh page just has the title, its author, and some taped-in scrapbook paper in the right corner. Each day, I signify the day with a different color Title, and then I read through the devotional and the Scripture for that day. I jot down any thoughts on either in a few sentences, and document which verses were read on the scrapbook paper. At the end of it all, on the bottom half of the scrapbook paper, I do a small reflection of the devotional as a whole. I found this helpful because people write devotional plans all the time–and if I really liked one, I can find more written by that person!

I can get into what the actual plans were about if you’re interested, but if you want to check it out for yourself–the Bible App I use is by YouVersion. The plans are “Breathing Room” and “Love that Lasts” if you’d like to check those out yourself as well. Hope this was a little bit helpful, and if you have any Bullet Journal Inspiration you think I’d like, please share!


Posted in faith, feelings, rambling


I’m pretty sure it’s in the first Avengers movie when Beautiful Mark Ruffalo as The Hulk reveals how he deals with his situation: “I’m always angry.”

That’s how I felt today. In retrospect, it’s how I feel pretty much all the time–about things that happened months, even years, ago.

When I pray, I always pray for personal things last. I want to prioritize other people.

Today I want to pray for me.

I am desperate for His guidance in dealing with my anger. Some of the things for which I am angry, I yearn for an explanation. I want to know why they happened, why I’m struggling to let go of them–why He’s putting me through this constant turmoil and frustration.

Being angry is exhausting. I am searching for how to let go.

I am learning that letting go is even more difficult than being angry.


Posted in faith, feelings, religion

Every Day, Forever

Last night I prayed.

Super weird, I know. I didn’t even tell my Boyfriend about it, I felt so weird.

But I did. I prayed.

I was laying in my bed, tossing and turning (which is pretty much every night for me). Then I just thought, “Maybe I should pray.”

I didn’t pray for sleep. Although, that probably would’ve been a good idea to add in there. I prayed for my relationship, for my Boyfriend. That we be together and safe and strong. I haven’t been feeling unsafe or weak or insecure in the relationship, I just suddenly wanted to feel like Someone had my Back on it.

I cried while I prayed.

I didn’t want to pray aloud at first. I think I always thought it was dumb, talking at nothing. But in my head, I kept beginning my prayer over and over. It didn’t feel like enough. It didn’t feel like He heard me.

So I prayed aloud. And I cried while I prayed. I told Him I would Try–that I wouldn’t promise to be on the Righteous Path, or what have you. But that I would Try to have Faith, and to be and do Good.

It felt good. It felt Powerful. I think I’m going to pray tonight, as well.

And maybe every day, forever.


Posted in faith

God is Love, Apparently

So there’s this video circulating the internet. It’s a three year old girl answering questions provided to her from her mom.

“Last question,” the faceless voice speaks. “What is love?”

She’s quiet for but a moment before responding. “God.”

The mother stop-starts. “What?”

“God.” The girl says again.

There’s silence. My boyfriend, with his arms wrapped around me in bed as we watched the video, quietly responded. “Wow.”

I couldn’t see his face, but I could hear it in his voice; there were tears in his eyes.

The video finished playing in the background, but I got caught on his visceral response.

Before that moment, I have always rolled my eyes at videos like that. Always groaned at people’s sentimentality and dramatization of faith. Before that moment, I was not a person who entertained  ‘God.’ My resolve on ‘God’ was always firm; ‘God’ did not exist.

For the first time in my life, watching him respond so quietly but emotionally, I had a thought I have never had before.

I want to know that. I want to know God’s love.

It made me feel weird. Mostly because I meant it.

It took  me over a week to say that to my boyfriend. And even then, I don’t think I said either of those sentences aloud. I was not ready to discuss those feelings.

Last night we got into it a little more. My Boyfriend, a Proper Catholic, responds to my question of, “Why do you think God gives us cancer?” with “I think cancer is something we have to deal with because of Original Sin.”

And–no. If I’m going to have a ‘God’–if ‘God’ is going to be real–then my ‘God’ isn’t going to be the kind who decides that twelve-year-old me has to watch my grandfather’s body decimate, be in so much pain that he cannot remember who I am or how to function on a basic level, all because Home Girl Ate the Apple.

“My God will not play favorites.” I declared. “I have to believe that my God is not involved in every day life, because if he is, then I have to believe that everyone is being helped. And because I know everyone isn’t, I have to believe he isn’t helping anyone.”

“He helps you because you ask for it,” My Boyfriend argued.

“Do you decide only to help someone because they ask for it?” I countered. “Do you only open the door, return the twenty dollars, grab the heavy boxes just because someone asks for it?”

I waited. He didn’t respond.

“No. You don’t. You help regardless.”

Later I asked if he was mad at me for arguing with his beliefs. He shook his head. “I just feel like I don’t have the answers you want.”

I laughed. “You don’t really have answers at all.”

I guess I’m okay with that. I think, maybe, part of this is figuring out that I’m trying to find the answers that work for me. That faith isn’t ‘One Size Fits All.’

In case you were wondering, the video ends with the mother in tears.

“Why are you crying about that?” The girl smiles.

“You blew me away with that answer. I asked you what love is and you said ‘God.’ God is love. Oh my word.”

Oh my word, indeed.


P.S. I know I’ve been slacking on the writing. Balancing Boyfriend, Schoolwork, and Fraternity without dying usually means my default De-Stresser is Sleep. But writing this felt good. Hopefully it’ll come back to me.