Well Writing Every Day in April definitely didn’t work. But there are two more vowel-starting months I can attempt to initialize and write through, so I’m hopeful. I’m betting August will be the winner.
It’s hard to write every day as an anxious, full-time college student who, until very recently, was constantly doing duties as the Maid of Honor.
My sister’s wedding was beautiful. The decorations were perfect, the day largely stress-free, ceremony flawless, reception hilarious, food delicious–all things a wedding should be/have. I learned that Traditional Maid(s) of Honor have a LOT of duties before, during, and after a wedding. For example, I learned how to bustle a dress and snap duties at people. I also learned that the Bride gets a Night of Amazing, the Guests get Night of Fun, and the Bridesmaids gets a Day of Work. Hair and makeup started at 9AM for my sister’s 7PM wedding, and I think at any given point in the day my most-used phrase was, “I’ll take care of that.”
Frankly, I don’t get the big deal about weddings. Marriage was intended to be a business deal, and in a lot of ways it still is. Example: my mom’s childhood friend refuses to marry her partner of like 20 years because, “I don’t want to take on all of his debt!” For my Boyfriend, our Marriage will be about our commitment to each other in front of God.
Personally, I think our commitment to each other comes from not leaving even when we want to, when times get tough, when the tough get going. I don’t need a piece of paper, a commitment in front of a hundred of my “Closest Friends.” I have him, and he has me–and that’s all I need. Frankly, no one in my family has ever actually committed to a marriage, so the idea that it’s an eternal commitment is nice, but just not accurate. People get divorced all the time. Marriage is not forever. Should it be? I think so. But is it? No. And for good reasons! But the idea that Marriage is the End All Be All of a Relationship is a dated idea.
I like the thought of marriage and want to get married, don’t get me wrong. I think my feelings mostly surround the Wedding.
I can legally bind myself to this person I love, and understand all of the legal benefits and (in some cases) necessities of doing so. What I can’t get behind is this huge, public ceremony to do it.
Marriage is sacred. It’s intimate. It’s two people committing to each other for Better, or Worse until Divorce/Death do we part. I couldn’t give two Craps about who was there, as long as the person I’m committing to is there. I just don’t understand why it matters.
My parents aren’t paying for my wedding. They aren’t giving me away (which is an antiquated practice I don’t even care to discuss). So why should they be there?
Why do I have to wear a white dress? I’m not a virgin, so it’s not about purity.
Why do I have to have a wedding party? They’d be a bunch of strangers to each other and have no idea what to do or how to do things like a bachelorette party (which I don’t even want).
Tradition is your enemy. And I’m a firm believer that a tradition’s history is incredibly important. There aren’t a lot of wedding traditions I actually agree with.
But what do you do when the person you want to marry only knows the traditions, only wants to do those, doesn’t understand why you don’t just give in to it all?
Do you wear white? Are you given away? Do you have a night where everyone but you gets drunk and the straws are shaped like penises?
I don’t know. It feels wrong to a bunch of things I don’t agree with just to make someone else happy. Is that what marriage is about? Is it wrong of me to ask him to compromise so that I don’t have to? How do you decide if a thing is incompromisable or not?
I try not to think about this too much. I’ve got a few years but I really have to worry about a wedding.