Boyfriend and I have been fighting a LOT recently. Don’t worry, I think we’re fine. I think the stress of Midterms has just Overwhelmed us both. But there is an end (to Midterms) in sight! During one of our recent fights, though, I talked about something I can’t stop thinking about.
When I love someone, especially as much as I love him, I learn to love all the Things he Loves. Like video games, books, topics. This is definitely not a bad thing! I genuinely enjoy the things he enjoys, although I would say I learned to love them because he loves them.
The problem comes when I feel like I lose the things I love. This isn’t at all his fault. It’s because I’m an All-Or-Nothinger. At least, that’s how it feels sometimes.
The more I think about it, though, the less simple that seems.
My interests and my for-funs tend to be solitary things. Yoga. Bullet Journaling. Face Masks. Cooking/baking. Those are things you can do with other people, but for the most part I like to be by myself and do things on my own. He facilitates those environments for me–cleaning spaces so I can be calm and stretch, running my baths, fetching pots and pans, and giving input on every bullet journal spread I make. But his things involve people, like DnD nights, or playing video games with friends. So when he does his things, I feel like we do things for him. But when I do my things, I do my things and he gets to do his own thing.
I guess now I’m wondering how much of my identity is my own, and what I’m going to start defining myself by. It used to be my intelligence. Now I feel like identities may be more complex than I thought.
I think I can use a lot of things to identify myself:
- History Major
- LSU Tiger
These things are huge parts of who I am, and they don’t even feel like the tip of the iceberg.
You would never know that I’m a skincare enthusiastic. Or that I have health goals I’m always trying to meet. You wouldn’t know I love dark chocolate and hate tornadoes. You definitely wouldn’t know that I have an incredibly messy car and that I organize my life in notebooks.
I thought because I didn’t have a club to hangout with that I had somehow given my identity to my Boyfriend and he had taken it, left it out to dry, and gone on to be his own person. But really, learning to love what he loves is just a part of who I am!
I give pieces of myself to people, and explore new interests and parts of myself because of it!
Because of my boyfriend, I now like Dungeons and Dragons! And I play Minecraft! And I’m still as interesting, intelligent, complex, and awesome as I was before I gave pieces of myself to him.
I’m just a little nerdier now.