Posted in body image

WEDA 17: Yes to Yoga

Today I did yoga for the first time in probably over a month. It took a lot for me to get on the mat, I’ll be honest.

I just tend to be filled with a lot of self doubt. What if I don’t get anything out of my practice today? What if I can’t do a pose? Should I really take time out of my day for this when I could focus on something else?

Yes. The answer is always, invariably, yes.

The Big Girl in me knew that, and I told myself, “The hardest part is getting on the mat.”

And then I got on.

Today’s practice wasn’t hard. At least, probably not for most people. But I struggled with the poses, with not faltering, with maintaining my breathing. I struggled with staying present as my thoughts tried their damnedest to not focus on my body.

But I did the poses. I felt more connected. I got something out of it.

Today I am doing everything I can to jump back on a positive track of better eating, better doing, better being.

And maybe tomorrow I will do less well, but today I did okay and that’s enough for me right now.


Posted in beauty, body image

Lush Review – Skin & Hair Products

About three months ago I started shopping at Lush. I actually only did it because I wanted an Authentic Bath Bomb Experience, but I ended up with a non-bath bomb item or two and haven’t looked back since.

So I’m a half-white, half-Mexican 20-year-old who lives on the gulf coast and I have combination, sensitive skin. You don’t think all those things matter when you buy beauty products or inquire about them from other people, but it definitely matters. Moving on.

I use these products once daily in the morning, and in this order:

Bûche de Noël – 4.8/5
I would say the ingredients that are most prominent in terms of scent in this face cleanser are almonds and cranberries. This is a seasonal product I got in November, but I’ve been using it every day and I’m barely halfway through the smaller size container. It made my skin incredibly soft without drying it out or leaving oils. At first I was apprehensive about the scent, but it’s overall pleasant and not at all overbearing. In the summer, I suspect I’ll be able to JUST use this, but the winter tends to dry out my skin more than usual. My only complaint is that application can be a little messy.

(Note: If this sounds like something you may be interested in but it’s not in season anymore, I was told that Angels On Bare Skin is its regularly stocked equivalent!)

Eau Roma Water – 4/5
So I got this toner relatively recently, but I can already tell it’s helped my skin. Its strongest scents are lavender and rose water, with probably more rose than lavender in my opinion. I spritz it across my face after cleansing, patting my face dry after doing each, respectively. The spritz definitely makes me feel refreshed and moisturized. I spritz maybe two to three times in one wash, so this product is definitely going to last me a long time. I will say that this toner was recommended to me because of the cleanser I use and skin type I have, but I will be trying a different one next time; I’m not a fan of such a strong rose water scent.

Imperialis – 3.75/5
I LOVE how light Imperialis is. I can distribute it across my face and by the end I feel evenly moisturized with NO oily feeling after; it’s incredibly light. I also have some dark areas of skin around my mouth that it has almost completely helped even out. However, I’m not crazy about the scent mix of orange and lavender. While normally that wouldn’t bother me too much, it’s incredibly pricy for how much I got. I anticipate I’ll need more moisturizer by the end of February (I bought this in the second week of January), and I paid almost $30 for this. It seems that moisturizers are just pricy at Lush; I’m doing some research, and this is on the cheaper side of things. For the size that I got, I don’t think the price was worth it. I’ll be looking at different options for moisture when this runs out.

For my hair products, my race and location are still important, as is the fact that I have thick, coarse, wavy, brown (naturally), and color-treated (purple) hair. My hair products and usage-order are as follows:

Fairly Traded Honey – 5/5
I was apprehensive about this shampoo because I have a LOT of hair, and I often have to shampoo several times in one shower (I wash my hair usually twice a week after a deep coconut oil treatment), and this particular shampoo is kind of pricy. However, I absolutely adore Fairly Traded Honey. It’s completely worth the price, and also lasts a lot longer than you think it will. It took me a few washes to figure it out, but not even my hair requires a lot of this shampoo to get clean. The smallest bottle is 3.3 oz, priced at about $14, and I’m about halfway through it (I bought it in late November).  My hair, naturally pretty frizzy (given my race and my environment) helped with my hair maintaining a rich color and control frizziness. It lathers nicely, and it smells amazing. Probably my favorite Lush product I regularly use.

R&B – 4.7/5
So I use R&B when I get out of the shower, instead of conditioning. Firstly, it smells amazing. I always feel like I’ve just walked off the beach (in a good way, not in a Sand In Your Butt Crack kind of way) when I use this. Also, it doesn’t require much to get all over my hair. It’s great at helping my hair stay moisturized and keeping a nice, wavy shape even after a few days unwashed. The smallest container, for someone with as much hair as me, will probably last about six months, and it’s $26. My only criticism is that after I colored my hair, it seems to make my hair knottier.

Queen Bee – 4.25/5
After I dyed my hair, I wanted to stop using my hair moisturizer also as a styler, which is  how I got turned on to Queen Bee. It’s got honey in it as well, which I think helps keep the waves from frizzing and helps my hair be weighed down in a way that doesn’t make it heavy. I was apprehensive about using something that’s a bar, but something I really love about it is that I was able to ask for a piece that was $6, as opposed to having the prices already directly determined. It smells pretty good, though applying it can be a bit of a hassle (just the product of being a bar-type product, I think).

So these are my every day products that are a part of my regular beauty routine! I’ve got some samples I’m currently forming opinions on that aren’t regular items that I may make a post about one day and also I have products I’m SUPER interested in buying when I run out of whatever I currently have.

If you’d like a frame of reference, I think a before and after might help! No filters here! Dark spots around my mouth no longer exist, my hair (still frizzy, of course) is definitely calmer, and I think I generally just look more radiant.


I know this was a long post but I wanted to help inform people who may benefit from this kind of in-depth review. It’s also my experience that these products work well TOGETHER, which may also be helpful! If you found this helpful please let me know, and if you want to SEE the products and look at prices/sizes/etc. here’s my Wishlist! I’ll probably do more anyway because I mostly write for myself, BUT if you really have questions or comments I would love to know!


Posted in body image

No Ode to my Plus Size


There are a series of things I have to talk about to lead you into my point for this post–and I wish I were a smooth enough writer to be able to just take you though it without saying “I have to talk you through some stuff”–but I’m not smooth enough. So there’s that.

I want to start with a spoken word poem I listened to the other day. I adore spoken word poetry. I watched/listened obsessively my junior year of high school, and I still have my favorite performers/writers that I keep up with, but this one I just stumbled upon on Facebook. It’s called “Ode to my Bitch Face” by Olivia Gatwood. And it’s a damn good poem, 10/10 recommend. But I want to point out something she says before she begins the poem:

“I’ve been doing this thing lately where I write Odes to things I think I’m supposed to feel ashamed of, which is largely how shame works. We think we’re supposed to feel it–we’re told we’re supposed to feel it–about the way that we live and act and walk and speak and dress and are and then we feel it because someone else told us to–it’s not an organic feeling, really.”

Before I saw that video, Induction happened.

A new group of Initiates were inducted into the fraternity this semester. I didn’t have a black dress (the required attire for Induction) so I had to go shopping for one.

I thought that I was being a realist when I grabbed a size 16 and went to the dressing room.

I ended up needing a size 18.

Now I’m on Spring Break.

Tomorrow I’m taking a day trip to the beach–my only trip to the beach during this break. I haven’t worn a bathing suit in at least a year, and I know I’ve gained weight (hence the dress debacle) so I decided to go buy a new bathing suit.

I tried on one and immediately quit. I decided on a t-shirt and shorts.

The only tops my size covered my stomach. I was grateful for that. I didn’t want anyone to see the stretchmarks on my tummy. It had a secure chest area and a flowing abdominal area. I tried a bottom in an XL. Refused to get a bikini style, so my only other option was shorts. They got tight in weird places, stretching over my wide hips but billowing over my less thick (though definitely still thick) thighs.

I almost burst into tears in the dressing room. I almost decided not to go to the beach.

So it’s almost 11PM now. There is no way I can find a bathing suit before I leave for the beach tomorrow.

And in a last ditch resort, I Pinterested some outfit ideas: “plus size beach style”

Every single thing I saw was long, and billowy, and covered all my unsightly bits (and, my, are there many).

I started to wonder why I am expected to cover all those bits, or why I want to. I started to wonder why I hate the way I look standing next to my Boyfriend.

I wonder if I’m actually unhappy with how I look or if I’m ashamed because I’m expected to be.

There will be no Odes to my Fat Rolls or Stretch Marks or Cellulite. There is no happy ending to this, because having that thought didn’t change my shame.

My shame doesn’t disappear just because I’m not sure if it comes from me organically. Tomorrow I will still not want to expose my body. I will still not want to see pictures of myself. I will still not want to see videos. I will still suck in when a photo is being taken. I will still wonder if my Boyfriend has just settled when he could find someone so much prettier.

There will no Ode to my Plus Size.