Posted in boyfriend, rambling

Are you Sure you Want a Piece of Me?

Boyfriend and I have been fighting a LOT recently. Don’t worry, I think we’re fine. I think the stress of Midterms has just Overwhelmed us both. But there is an end (to Midterms) in sight! During one of our recent fights, though, I talked about something I can’t stop thinking about.

When I love someone, especially as much as I love him, I learn to love all the Things he Loves. Like video games, books, topics. This is definitely not a bad thing! I genuinely enjoy the things he enjoys, although I would say I learned to love them because he loves them.

The problem comes when I feel like I lose the things I love. This isn’t at all his fault. It’s because I’m an All-Or-Nothinger. At least, that’s how it feels sometimes.

The more I think about it, though, the less simple that seems.

My interests and my for-funs tend to be solitary things. Yoga. Bullet Journaling. Face Masks. Cooking/baking. Those are things you can do with other people, but for the most part I like to be by myself and do things on my own. He facilitates those environments for me–cleaning spaces so I can be calm and stretch, running my baths, fetching pots and pans, and giving input on every bullet journal spread I make.  But his things involve people, like DnD nights, or playing video games with friends. So when he does his things, I feel like we do things for him. But when I do my things, I do my things and he gets to do his own thing.

I guess now I’m wondering how much of my identity is my own, and what I’m going to start defining myself by. It used to be my intelligence. Now I feel like identities may be more complex than I thought.

I think I can use a lot of things to identify myself:

  • Introvert
  • Hufflepuff
  • History Major
  • Brother
  • LSU Tiger

These things are huge parts of who I am, and they don’t even feel like the tip of the iceberg.

You would never know that I’m a skincare enthusiastic. Or that I have health goals I’m always trying to meet. You wouldn’t know I love dark chocolate and hate tornadoes. You definitely wouldn’t know that I have an incredibly messy car and that I organize my life in notebooks.

I thought because I didn’t have a club to hangout with that I had somehow given my identity to my Boyfriend and he had taken it, left it out to dry, and gone on to be his own person. But really, learning to love what he loves is just a part of who I am!

I give pieces of myself to people, and explore new interests and parts of myself because of it!

Because of my boyfriend, I now like Dungeons and Dragons! And I play Minecraft! And I’m still as interesting, intelligent, complex, and awesome as I was before I gave pieces of myself to him.

I’m just a little nerdier now.


Posted in college, greek life, rambling

Spring 2018 Midterms Week

Midterm Stress is basically the Worst Kind of Stress Ever. Except maybe Planning for Disney World Stress.

It doesn’t help that I’ve got 4 events for my fraternity this week and an extremely busy weekend ahead.

I’m dealing with it One Thing At A Time–which, includes, dropping one of my classes.

I used to think dropping a class was shameful, or a sign of weakness. But mostly now I see it as Prioritizing Properly.

When I take only 12 hours per semester, my grades are significantly better than when I take 15. If that means I have to supplement with summer classes, then so be it. I would rather have shorter breaks, graduate in four years, and never worry about failing a class again–because with only 12 hours in my pocket, failing a class is basically out of the question.

In other News this week, I got my Littles last night! Matching was long and stressful, but I now have Twins. It’s exciting, but also a little bit stressful; I have to get them their first bout of gifts for Thursday.

If there’s anything I’m learning from this week, it’s that Meal Prep is basically impossible in the face of Midterms.

I’ve got four recipes I want to try, none of which are in the works to be made. I pulled out all the spices to season chicken, but then I realized I was behind on my Bullet Journaling and blogging.

I’m not sure if I’m struggling because of midterms or because I’m trying to track too much, but I haven’t been prioritizing BuJo’ing the way I normally would.

Think it’s time to take a step back and focus on maintaining my Habits. My Goals this Week are simple:

-Go to All my Classes (Successful so far!)
-Do Yoga M – F (Not successful so far)

Short list, small accomplishment, slowly steering myself back in the direction I need to be.

Progress and success are not linear.

Neither are Midterms, it seems.


Posted in bullet journal, faith

Journaling and Jesus

Hi friends!

So I somewhat recently started opening my heart to Jesus, right? [I feel like I should say this now: I’m having a Bad Brain Night. Sleep is not in my future.] Well originally, I thought I would read through the entire Bible and That would be That.

Nope. Not happening. I tried, briefly, and failed, spectacularly. So I’ve been working my way through devotionals and plans on Bible App to sort of work my way through Getting to Know Jesus and What He Means to Me and all that Good Stuff.

I’ve also started Bullet Journaling. My March spreads are up and ready (and I am SO READY for February to over (also PLEASE comment if you’d like to see my March spread! I’m really proud of it)), and occasional blank pages between spreads are slowly being filled with two things: grocery lists and Devotional Spreads.

They look like This:

I wanted to show them off because Christian Bullet Journaling is A) a Niche inside a Niche and B) Pretty Hard to Find Inspiration for! I chose to do spreads for ones which are only five days, but if you wanted to make them longer I’m sure there are different ways this could be adapted!

A fresh page just has the title, its author, and some taped-in scrapbook paper in the right corner. Each day, I signify the day with a different color Title, and then I read through the devotional and the Scripture for that day. I jot down any thoughts on either in a few sentences, and document which verses were read on the scrapbook paper. At the end of it all, on the bottom half of the scrapbook paper, I do a small reflection of the devotional as a whole. I found this helpful because people write devotional plans all the time–and if I really liked one, I can find more written by that person!

I can get into what the actual plans were about if you’re interested, but if you want to check it out for yourself–the Bible App I use is by YouVersion. The plans are “Breathing Room” and “Love that Lasts” if you’d like to check those out yourself as well. Hope this was a little bit helpful, and if you have any Bullet Journal Inspiration you think I’d like, please share!


Posted in college, greek life


If there’s anything I’m learning, right now, it’s that forgiveness is damn-near impossible.

There are a lot of people I haven’t forgiven:

  • My dad
  • My ex
  • My fraternity

And I don’t know what’s holding me back from doing so. In some ways, I think it’s because their affect on me is still relevant. But am I supposed to forgive them in some indeterminate amount of time, when all of the things that have been done to me or that trigger me or upset me finally stop doing so?

I don’t think so. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to forgive them in order to get to a place where I’m not upset anymore.

I went out on a girls’ night last week and when I talked to my Friend about my frustration with forgiveness, I said a lot more than I thought I would: “How am I supposed to forgive someone–how do you just do that? How do you forgive someone who isn’t even saying sorry? How do you forgive someone who isn’t even here to hear it or respond to it?”

She told me that forgiveness isn’t about the other person. That forgiveness doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten, nor does it mean you want to be friends with your Offender. Forgiveness “is saying, ‘You don’t control me anymore. You don’t affect me anymore. I am letting this go.'”

She made is sound really Simple and Easy. She went on to clarify that it isn’t, and that sometimes forgiveness can be impossible or take a lot longer than you expect.

It’s been my experience that time allows me to forgive more than anything else. It took me almost 3 months to forgive my Sister for something awful she did, but I’ve forgiven her. I didn’t have to talk about it with her, I didn’t have to rehash things or cry or anything. I just took a lot of time, and went through my feelings, and stayed away for as long as I needed.

The problem is that some of these things are a lot harder to get away from than others. Particularly my frat. I have requirements to my fraternity that I’m obligated to fulfill.

I’m trying to get to a place where I can focus on the event, and what it means to be a Brother, and focus less on the people there and what they’re doing that makes me feel unwelcome.

So right now, I guess forgiveness looks like waiting. Waiting and focusing on other things.


Posted in college

Study Tips from a College Junior

Despite contradictory evidence from previous blog posts, I’m a very good student. I went to an academically challenging high school, I was (briefly) an Honors College Student. I have a pretty good GPA. It’s not a 4.0, but I’m not ever worried about being put on Academic Probation. Over time, I’ve developed a few things I think help me in terms of being a good student/staying on track. Further, I’ve recently discovered things that help me continue being a good student while also being able to not destroy myself in terms of mental health. [It’s a hard thing to do, especially in college.]

I have often googled “Study Tips” and tend to find the same, broad ideas repeated. I tried to avoid that, and instead make these a little more direct. Hopefully something here is something you’ve never tried before–and if you do try it, I hope it helps!

  1. Distribute your work
    I cannot stress this one enough. Avoiding all nighters is completely achievable! I think distributing work evenly over a series of days is the best way to do it. An example: On Monday, if you are assigned to read Chapters 1 & 2 by Wednesday, then read Chapter 1 Monday night, and Chapter 2 Tuesday night. If you have a large homework set, split it in half! Don’t wait to do it all the night before. Small bouts of various topics is way less draining than doing one thing for hours on end.
  2. One Thing at a Time
    I’ve recently changed up my way of distributing things, and I’ve found it incredibly helpful in terms of productivity. I used to distribute my work a month at a time and panic to keep up with the distribution. I’d end up re-working my schedule four times in two weeks, which I found incredibly counterproductive. It was also a lot harder to see my accomplishments. My new system is great! I have deadlines listed on the spread for that week, and then I distribute my work each morning. Homeworks have been shifted around a lot this semester because of weather problems, amongst other things, so every morning I check my list from the day before, check off what I completed, move or remove what I didn’t, and write out my to-do for the day. It’s allowed me to be a lot more realistic about what I can do in a day. I started this system because of a YouTuber from Boho Berry.
  3. Be Realistic About Distractions
    Don’t study at home if you can avoid it. Home is like the Pennacle of Distractions. I recommend a library; it’s meant to be quiet. Bring everything you could need for a long, extended work session if you need it! Laptop/phone chargers, blankets, earbuds, comfy clothes–and also, food!
  4. Eating
    Food is so important when it comes to studying. First off, you wanna make healthy decisions before you even start getting ready to study. Unhealthy foods can make you sluggish, grumpy, and fatigued–not a great start to a productive day. But you should bring snacks that will keep you full, are yummy, and won’t drain you! Some possible ones: nuts, fruit, jerky [protein keeps you full!]. Personally I like crackers, or pretzel chips. I also, on a really long night, will bring a yummy soup to heat up in the library that way I don’t have an excuse to take a two hour break to go out to eat!
  5. Music
    I find instrumental music the best. Personally, I like a lot Vitamin String Quartet. I also love two playlists from Spotify: Instrumental Study and Brain Food. A good one with music with words is Study Zone. If you don’t care for music but don’t like the silence of the library or there’s noise around you, I really recommend thunderstorm sounds. I thought it would be weird, but it’s incredibly calming and helps with relaxation/concentration so much.
  6. Listen to Your Body
    When you’re hungry, eat. When you’re thirsty, drink (I cannot stress a Water Bottle enough! So important for a productive work day). When your back hurts, or you feel antsy, or you need a break–take a walk. Your body can handle what you’re putting  it through, and so can your brain, but you have to listen to it. Sometimes that means a ten minute break, and sometimes it means completely changing where you’re working. Either way, listen to your body. It knows what it’s doing.

All of this comes as a result of me, wearing my Big Girl Prioritizing Pants, spending Mardi Gras break doing work (somewhat?) instead of Mardi Gras-ing.

Laissez les bons temps rouler!


Posted in high school, rambling

The Hard Road of Rejection

It’s almost 3AM and I will be up at 7:30, but the Universe has decided that sleep is not for me tonight. I hate these nights; they seldom happen anymore. I guess even when I do everything right–when I enjoy my day, do my work, practice great skincare, and do yoga–I still am not doing enough for my body to get to sleep when it should.

I was lying in bed just endlessly thinking. I’m not even that anxious; I’m prepared to take on tomorrow, but for now I feel minimal pressure. Yet, there I was–staring at the ceiling and getting caught on every single thing I could think of. Instead of getting caught on them all, I decided to write about one.

So I saw this Tweet the other day [Holy crap, I just realized I’m going to give up Twitter for Lent!] which read:

Someone who says they don’t want a relationship right now just means they don’t want a relationship with you.

I half-heartedly “liked” it and kept scrolling, didn’t think much of it. Usually I only see those kinds of Tweets from the perspective of the “you” and not the “someone.”

But I was the someone once. And the more I lay there thinking about being the “someone,” the more annoyed I was at the Tweet.

When I was junior in high school, a Boy Friend I’d known since seventh grade came back from Summer Break with a Glow-Up. There was nothing wrong with him before the Glow-Up. In fact, I’d probably had some sort of halfhearted crush on him before it [I had a halfhearted crush on pretty much everyone at some point in high school]. But when he came back, I guess with his confidence renewed, things between us began to change. It took an entire academic year, but at Ring Ceremony in April, it was clear; he and I were Maybe Possibly Might Be a Thing.

We went on a few dates, and we talked all the time. And I really, really liked him. But here’s the thing.

Before his Glow Up, I’d spent all of Sophomore year attached to this College Sophomore who’d gone to my high school. We talked every day. He was my Person for such a long time, admitted to liking me, and truly was my Companion through my Stepmom’s death–which was absolutely one of the hardest things I’ve ever dealt with in my entire life. We spent about eight months talking every day, and when he didn’t want to get serious (for very good reasons that I understand NOW, five years later), everything fell apart. To this day, I can’t stand his social media, his friends, his name. It’s involuntary, the way my body freezes up at the thought of him. He was one of my best friends before I considered him anything romantically, and he just dropped off the face of the planet. I don’t miss him anymore, but I’m still angry with how he let things end.

If I’m still upset five years later, imagine how I was when the wounds were still relatively fresh as a Junior. I really wanted to be serious with the Boy Friend, who obviously also wanted to be Serious with Me. But I couldn’t. I could not, in good conscience, begin to Date this Person while my Mind was still Hurtling over the Hill the Previous Person had left Behind. I consider this a pretty big turning point in my life, because the Me Before this Moment clung to anything that would give her attention. By all accounts, I should have been over the Moon about this Boy who’d liked me for Years. But I wasn’t ready for it. I was too hurt, too raw, too new to this world I didn’t know as 1/4 an Orphan.

I told him just that. Plain as day, that I was still dealing with previous hurts and that I wasn’t ready for a relationship. That I hoped I would be one day and that I hoped that One Day Person would be him, and that I was so sorry I hadn’t figured it out Sooner. That I wanted to Remain Friends but I understood if he couldn’t.

Boy, he Definitely Couldn’t.

His response was long, and Guilt-Tripping. If I remember correctly, he said something like, “I was so stupid to think you’d like someone like me.” But, like, several texts of that.

I tried to explain to him that it wasn’t about him, but he didn’t listen.

For the rest of the School Year, he was Awful to me. He ignored me, said mean things to people about me, LIED to them about me, and showed everyone our texts. I never said a bad word about him, and I let the anger inside of me dry out and reveal itself as Sympathy, Empathy, and Hurt. He had been my friend for so long, but in the end he was just as awful as the person before him.

That encounter happened at the beginning of May 2014. I did not meet or begin to date the Now Infamously Awful Ex-Boyfriend until January 2015. There was no one in between; I truly spent that time focusing on who I was and needed to be. I figured out Being Alone. Because at the time, that was what I needed.

So what I want to say to the people who read that Tweet and nod along and “mhm” and halfheartedly “like” is this:

It usually isn’t about you. And sometimes, the “someone” really just doesn’t want a relationship. If you can’t respect that from them, do you even truly respect or want them at all?

Dehumanizing people when they hurt us is really easy.

Take the hard road anyway.


Posted in college, feelings, friendship

Stop and Hear the Viola

The past few days have been rough. This week has been pretty stressful academically and fraternally. I’ve been feeling very Middle School, this week (I was literally crying when the words, “Why don’t they like me?” came out of my mouth). But I’ve been taking a few days for myself and getting back in a better place mentally.

Doing that partially included a form of Self-Care that I never considered Self-Care before.

A good friend of mine is graduating this semester. He’s a music performance major–specifically, he plays the Viola. He invited me to his Senior Recital; it was the first date on the Reminders Section of my February Cover Page.

Frankly, I hadn’t wanted to go. Okay, I did want to go. Until I actually had to. I hadn’t been sleeping well, I had Make-Up Work out the Wazoo, and I had about four things I wanted to do that weren’t school work After his Senior Recital. I took a twenty minute nap, and then put on my Big Girl Pants.

Except, nowadays, my Big Girl Pants look different on me now. Not sure if it’s the Girl or the Pants that has changed, but something is new. Instead of Putting on my Big Girl Pants and Getting Over It, I put on Big Girl Prioritizing Pants.

The Other Commitments could wait. The Wazoo Make-Up Work could be done in enough time to sleep early if I Prioritized them. And the Senior Recital was Priority Number One. It’s his last recital. He’s a good friend of mine. It’s rare that I get to see him, and I pretty much never get to hear him play.

I made a Decision. Man, did I make a Good One.

The theater was small, and we sat in the back as the other handful of supporters sat Up Front and Center. A pianist would accompany him; a stand with his music stood under the spotlight.

I could see his nerves as he walked out: a hint of a smile, antsy legs. Through the first half of the first song I could see his grimaces, uncertainty. And then the climax of the song happened, and I saw him in twenty years. I want to tell–I hope to one day tell him–that he will stand on a Bigger Stage in front of a Larger Crowd, that he will still be Nervous, but he will be even more Awe-Inspiring. I hope to one day tell him of the stage presence, charisma, talent, and passion I saw in his performance. I hope to one day see him on that Bigger Stage and admire his Presence once more.

When I got home, I checked the “Self-Care” box of my Habit Tracker. I hadn’t done a Face Mask, or a Bath Bomb, but instead I had cared for myself in a much more interesting way; I cared for myself by Supporting Someone I Care for, and by actively trying to understand his passion. I put on my Big Girl Prioritizing Pants, and I Heard the Viola.

And My, but it was Beautiful.

In case you’re interested, the first song he played was “Zwischen Berg und tiefem Tal,” the first movement in Paul Hindemith’s Der Schwanendreher.


Posted in rambling

Bullet Journals and Mental Health

Back in December, I started Bullet Journaling. I’ve always been interested in Bullet Journaling, but I never set aside the time to do it because I’m not artsy. I felt like I would just be disappointed with whatever I came up with because it wouldn’t look like everybody else’s. (I often don’t have a lot of faith in myself to believe I’ve actually grown out of being a toddler.)

So I did a trial run in December in the back of my planner (which I got from May Designs and cannot recommend enough), which had a few dotted pages. I found it surprisingly helpful and enjoyable, and I haven’t stopped since. Today I’m going to show my CURRENT spread, and my one for February, to discuss Pros, Cons, and Tips I’ve gained over these past couple of months.

First and foremost, I do not have monthly or weekly spreads in my journal because I have my planner from May Designs. I didn’t want to waste a perfectly good planner, and also I felt like committing to making monthly and weekly spreads ALONG WITH the spreads I actually WANTED to make would be too much. Some people may not like having two notebooks, which I totally understand, but generally the content is so different that if I know what I’m doing that day I know which notebook I need. (You’ll see what I mean in a second.)

PAGE ONE – Cover Page

I actually didn’t have a cover page for January. Partially because I didn’t think about it, partially because I didn’t want to feel like I was wasting pages. I decided to do one for February so that I have distinctions between months, and I’ve also included two lists that will make this page both cute and functional. “Reminders” will include things like events, due dates, anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, etc. and “Goals” will include things that I want to improve on from January, like drinking more water.


PAGES TWO & 3 – Trackers
Trackers are the reason I started Bullet Journaling in the first place. I wanted to look into correlations with my sleeping, water intake, other daily habits, and my mood. I’ve found it INCREDIBLY great for my mental health because every day I’m forced to check in with myself and see where I’m at. Recently I’ve had a bout of bad days, and I realized I hadn’t had a good Self Care night in days, and I also hadn’t been drinking enough water for weeks. Being able to point out possible things I can do to feel better mentally has been such a game changer. Also, I’ve found that having a word/color to put to your mood can really be cathartic, especially if it’s a bad one.

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My January to February trackers didn’t change much. The mood trackers are the same, save a change in design and color (which will change monthly, of course). The habit trackers are pretty similar; I added and removed one habit, respectively, in February, and instead of Scripture I’ve decided to include reminders about the benefits of some of the positive habits as well as an area for Notes.

PAGES 4 & 5 – Spending and…
My January 4 & 5 are my spending tracker and my Disney Bound page. I found I didn’t use the Disney Bound page at all, but I knew what the sentiment was behind it; I want to start taking steps towards a healthier lifestyle. These pictures (I think) are pretty small, but I don’t think it’s necessary to see them up close; the spending layout is clear, and there’s an obvious difference to my Disney Bound page.

For February, I’m doing the same Spending Tracker, because it’s nice to have that all in front of me on the daily (and it’s also something I update daily–good way to hold yourself accountable for your spending habits!) and I’m turning Disney Bound into Positivity and Mindfulness. I’ve started making changes to my diet and I’m trying to find ways that I can be active without having a panic attack (the gym does not bode well for an anxious person), but I want to make it about loving my body enough to respect it, and not at all about feeling embarrassed about how I look. This is a page I hope will develop into something that will allow me to structure it in a more concrete way (right now it’s pretty much blank), but for now I just want to see where this mentality takes me.

PAGE SIX – Review
My January In-Review page is pretty empty. It’s given me a few cool ideas (like a Restaurant Review Page) that I will try to put in my BuJo later, but I decided I wanted to change it because it was a whole page with not much in it. I decided to split the page in half, because one my February goals is to have a regular writing schedule. I accidentally had one in January, and it made me realize that having that sort of schedule is really fun and positive for me. So I made half the page a brainstorming/planning area for posts, and the second half a place to review February as a whole. I kept the Review section because I think it’s going to be a helpful place to find new goals to set or keep memories.

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You can see the next page of my January spread was me trying to practice my cursive with some Scripture. It didn’t got over too well.

Sorry for such a long post but I hope it was at least a somewhat interesting read! If you’re interested in bullet journaling but not sure if it’s for you, I definitely recommend a trial month! And don’t feel pressure to do what other people are doing–these pages are just my monthys! I have a really cool (at least, I think it’s really cool) way of doing my grocery shopping in the BuJo that I’ve found helpful, and I use it for my job as well (I didn’t feature those pages for confidentiality reasons). My point is that Bullet Journaling really is whatever you want it to be! I have some friends whose BuJo is just lists, others who colored code everything all the time. I found that these trackers were great for my mental health, but I don’t think I’ll ever regularly make monthly and/or weekly spreads, and I don’t have an Index. And that’s okay!

I’m always up to hear about BuJo inspiration, so if you have any ideas you think I’d like please share them! And if you want to see more of my BuJo, like my super cool way of making grocery lists, let me know! Either way, thanks for reading all about my current obsession.


Posted in beauty, body image

Lush Review – Skin & Hair Products

About three months ago I started shopping at Lush. I actually only did it because I wanted an Authentic Bath Bomb Experience, but I ended up with a non-bath bomb item or two and haven’t looked back since.

So I’m a half-white, half-Mexican 20-year-old who lives on the gulf coast and I have combination, sensitive skin. You don’t think all those things matter when you buy beauty products or inquire about them from other people, but it definitely matters. Moving on.

I use these products once daily in the morning, and in this order:

Bûche de Noël – 4.8/5
I would say the ingredients that are most prominent in terms of scent in this face cleanser are almonds and cranberries. This is a seasonal product I got in November, but I’ve been using it every day and I’m barely halfway through the smaller size container. It made my skin incredibly soft without drying it out or leaving oils. At first I was apprehensive about the scent, but it’s overall pleasant and not at all overbearing. In the summer, I suspect I’ll be able to JUST use this, but the winter tends to dry out my skin more than usual. My only complaint is that application can be a little messy.

(Note: If this sounds like something you may be interested in but it’s not in season anymore, I was told that Angels On Bare Skin is its regularly stocked equivalent!)

Eau Roma Water – 4/5
So I got this toner relatively recently, but I can already tell it’s helped my skin. Its strongest scents are lavender and rose water, with probably more rose than lavender in my opinion. I spritz it across my face after cleansing, patting my face dry after doing each, respectively. The spritz definitely makes me feel refreshed and moisturized. I spritz maybe two to three times in one wash, so this product is definitely going to last me a long time. I will say that this toner was recommended to me because of the cleanser I use and skin type I have, but I will be trying a different one next time; I’m not a fan of such a strong rose water scent.

Imperialis – 3.75/5
I LOVE how light Imperialis is. I can distribute it across my face and by the end I feel evenly moisturized with NO oily feeling after; it’s incredibly light. I also have some dark areas of skin around my mouth that it has almost completely helped even out. However, I’m not crazy about the scent mix of orange and lavender. While normally that wouldn’t bother me too much, it’s incredibly pricy for how much I got. I anticipate I’ll need more moisturizer by the end of February (I bought this in the second week of January), and I paid almost $30 for this. It seems that moisturizers are just pricy at Lush; I’m doing some research, and this is on the cheaper side of things. For the size that I got, I don’t think the price was worth it. I’ll be looking at different options for moisture when this runs out.

For my hair products, my race and location are still important, as is the fact that I have thick, coarse, wavy, brown (naturally), and color-treated (purple) hair. My hair products and usage-order are as follows:

Fairly Traded Honey – 5/5
I was apprehensive about this shampoo because I have a LOT of hair, and I often have to shampoo several times in one shower (I wash my hair usually twice a week after a deep coconut oil treatment), and this particular shampoo is kind of pricy. However, I absolutely adore Fairly Traded Honey. It’s completely worth the price, and also lasts a lot longer than you think it will. It took me a few washes to figure it out, but not even my hair requires a lot of this shampoo to get clean. The smallest bottle is 3.3 oz, priced at about $14, and I’m about halfway through it (I bought it in late November).  My hair, naturally pretty frizzy (given my race and my environment) helped with my hair maintaining a rich color and control frizziness. It lathers nicely, and it smells amazing. Probably my favorite Lush product I regularly use.

R&B – 4.7/5
So I use R&B when I get out of the shower, instead of conditioning. Firstly, it smells amazing. I always feel like I’ve just walked off the beach (in a good way, not in a Sand In Your Butt Crack kind of way) when I use this. Also, it doesn’t require much to get all over my hair. It’s great at helping my hair stay moisturized and keeping a nice, wavy shape even after a few days unwashed. The smallest container, for someone with as much hair as me, will probably last about six months, and it’s $26. My only criticism is that after I colored my hair, it seems to make my hair knottier.

Queen Bee – 4.25/5
After I dyed my hair, I wanted to stop using my hair moisturizer also as a styler, which is  how I got turned on to Queen Bee. It’s got honey in it as well, which I think helps keep the waves from frizzing and helps my hair be weighed down in a way that doesn’t make it heavy. I was apprehensive about using something that’s a bar, but something I really love about it is that I was able to ask for a piece that was $6, as opposed to having the prices already directly determined. It smells pretty good, though applying it can be a bit of a hassle (just the product of being a bar-type product, I think).

So these are my every day products that are a part of my regular beauty routine! I’ve got some samples I’m currently forming opinions on that aren’t regular items that I may make a post about one day and also I have products I’m SUPER interested in buying when I run out of whatever I currently have.

If you’d like a frame of reference, I think a before and after might help! No filters here! Dark spots around my mouth no longer exist, my hair (still frizzy, of course) is definitely calmer, and I think I generally just look more radiant.


I know this was a long post but I wanted to help inform people who may benefit from this kind of in-depth review. It’s also my experience that these products work well TOGETHER, which may also be helpful! If you found this helpful please let me know, and if you want to SEE the products and look at prices/sizes/etc. here’s my Wishlist! I’ll probably do more anyway because I mostly write for myself, BUT if you really have questions or comments I would love to know!


Posted in rambling

Twenty-Something Fire Pit of Positivity

I dyed my hair purple. Well, I had my hair dyed purple. It’s been like a week or two now.

My Boyfriend’s 72-year-old Incredibly Traditional father is still not used to it.

At dinner a few nights ago, with no prompting at all, he asked, “So what’s with the purple?”

And what I wanted to say was, What’s the Never-Ending Need to give me Shit about It?

Instead, I said words that I don’t really remember now. BUT I do remember the sentiment a bit.

I’m turning 21 this year. I’m officially “in my 20s.” I’m supposed to be doing shots off a stripper’s belly button and bouncing around in unhealthy relationships.

At least, that’s how I understand who I’m supposed to be. I digress.

The point is that I’m not, and that’s okay! It’s also okay if you are someone who’s into those things. That’s not the point I’m trying to make.

What I’m trying to say is that I dyed my hair purple because you only get to be “in yours 20s” once. After that, it’s all mortgages and 401ks and politics at the dinner table (not that that isn’t already a part of my life). So for now, I’ll have purple hair and get tattoos and love recklessly and laugh loudly.

I’m taking 2018 by the handle bars and throwing into the Fire Pit of Positivity.

I imagine it’s a Fire Pit, anyway.