Making Change

I wanted to make my first post in 2017 my Jar Post.

See, every year I have a Jar. It starts off empty, and as the year goes on it gets filled up with crumpled up post-its of good things that happen to me throughout the year. At the end of the year, I pop open the Jar and pick the Top Ten Best Things That Happened to Me in [YEAR].

Sadly, I left my Jar in my dorm room. And I was going to wait until I got back to school to make a post, but I don’t want to wait that long to write something.

I’m down to my last week of Winter Break. The first week of Break I spent stressing about purchasing The Perfect Gifts and recovering from Finals; the two weeks following that I worked (and when I say I worked for those two weeks, I mean I had Christmas Eve off and that was it). This last week I’m gearing up for the Spring semester and recovering from two weeks of work.

My New Year’s Eve was quiet. I’m not one to give in to the idea that a Revolution around the Sun somehow signifies a time for Change.

Change is Inevitable. Change is Constant. Change doesn’t give a Shit about whether or not you’re ready for it.

But I like the potential energy that thrums in your bones when the clock strikes twelve. It’s like all the elastic vibes you spent the year emitting snap back to you, and this time when you send them out they can have a different feel, texture, color, sound, thickness. Not a New You, but maybe a Better One. A Wiser One. One Excited for something New.

The Change I need this Year is Internal. Instead of waiting or working for new people or better classes or more money, I mostly want to work on Loving Myself more. Which, as I’ve aforementioned, is a thing I’m Always Working On.

I think I want to try harder, this year.

I think the biggest part of Loving Myself more is feeling better inside. Not letting myself get wrapped up in negative spirals. Drinking more water. Writing more. Focusing on my academics. Learning how to balance mental health, academic success, and physical health. Surrounding myself with people who give me positive vibes. Doing something with my body that feels good–yoga, kickboxing, anything that reminds my body that there’s a person inside of it.

I don’t want to say that my Boyfriend gave me a reason to make myself better. It’s too dependent, and it’s not true. But he’s given me a reason to see the better in myself. He doesn’t doubt the relationship, doesn’t doubt me, or himself. He is secure in his decision. It makes me secure in myself.

So I’ll make a Jar Post when I get back to my dorm room.

For now I’m not making Resolutions. For now–and hopefully for all of 2017–I’m making Change.

-HH

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