The Universe Doesn’t Owe You Anything

I decided to focus on my academics. Not even a day later, a cute guy from my German class was texting me, inviting me to lunch, inviting me on study hangouts, inviting me to his house. For a split second, I let myself get wrapped up in it all again. I thought the Universe was granting me a romantic interest for actually going to class and prioritizing.

Then I remembered my motto: the Universe doesn’t owe you anything.

I took a step back from our lunch date and thought about how it made me feel. I got a little bored. I didn’t feel listened to. I didn’t feel like I was talking to a genuine person; he bragged about his intelligence, told me stories about his personal growth in a condescending manner, made several sexual suggestions that I wasn’t comfortable with. Asked about hooking up with me despite the fact that I openly told him I was not going to hook up with him or fool around with him or do anything with him. But he’d made me laugh, and he’s the first guy to look at me romantically in months. So I went with it, until I got my head back on straight.

Now I’m ghosting him.

N.A.U.L. and I had a scarily genuine conversation about our relationship.

I hope things go well with the New Girl, I told him.

I don’t feel like you mean that, he responded.

Believe it or not, I really do. The back and forth has gotten old.  I deserve someone who will think I’m worth being with. It’s nothing against you, I just am happy being friends.–Is the condensed version of my response.

Good, I’m glad we’re on the same page.

I remember reading that and laughing. I was honest with him. We were always on that page. I just didn’t want us to be.

And I may have lied to him. And I’m also sure he knows. But I will not lie on here.

I’m not okay being friends. I do hope things go well with New Girl. I do deserve someone who thinks I’m worth being with. But he does think I’m worth it. That’s not the problem.

I had flashbacks to the festival I went to over Fall Break.

What does he say when you ask why he won’t be with you? His friend asked me.

He says he doesn’t want to lose me, I rolled my eyes.

That’s a pretty good reason, he responded. And then he looked a little apprehensive before he said, Maybe he thinks he’s not good enough for you.

And, yeah, I know that’s a reason. I know it’s the reason.

But I’m not Aching. I’m Boxing. And I’m video chatting with him while he tells me that he expects to be dumped by New Girl soon.

-HH

 

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